Most of us do not bother to know what we are getting into because we are enticed by the end product; the object of our interest. BUT…

Perhaps understanding our Terms of Engagement (Terms & Conditions) could:
– give us more advantages
– save us unnecessary trouble
…

Terms and Conditions, Maggie’s DIY,  Un-Tell Stories, Un-Tell stories on YouTube

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We would ‘cross our little hearts and hope to die’ as we promised our siblings and cousins that they could share with us a few grains of their roasted maize grains, and that, in turn, we would refund the same once we got ours in the next hour or tomorrow. The next hour or tomorrow was always disastrous as children wailed over broken promises. Some children wailed because the children who had eaten their roasted maize grains yesterday had now refused to pay up. Other children wailed because they felt cheated; having to pay up. Of course, there were lawyers and middlemen/women (call that middle children who facilitated the deals), and they expected their payment too.

Don’t even think of judging us. If you have ever had the aroma of roasted maize hit your nose, then you know what I am talking about? If you have ever tasted roasted maize, whether spiced ere added or not, then you know what I am talking about. These things are heaven on earth. You could forget your name. You could be promised anything as a trade off and still refuse; just so you can enjoy the grilled maize delicacy. You could easily overlook any terms and conditions just so you can enjoy the delicacy of roasted maize in peace.

Ha! In my experience, roasted maize is the only one that doesn’t have class. You will see big men with big tummies and suits enjoying their roasted maize in the streets. You will see slay queens (you know the ones that have to hold everything with two fingers and who walk on air) enjoying their delicacy of roasted maize in the streets without any fear of losing their status. You will see anyone pretty much enjoying their roasted maize; it is probably the only thing that most people can really relate with others. Ni matter who you are, whenever you pass by the mahindi choma guy/ girl, your nose turns and you have absolute respect for the maize. Whenever you see someone enjoying their roasted maize, whether you think you belong to the same class or not, you will instantly feel the taste of grains of roasted maize on his/ her tongue.

Back to our Roasted Maize Scandal

So, here we were crying over broken promises of the roasted maize debts. Let me tell you how this started.

If you grew up in the 80 or 90s (grew any other time in a rural setting, with siblings/ cousins), then you probably can relate to this.

At Home With Parents

See, all my childhood, it was just my brother and I as children. Our adorable kid sister was born as we approached teenagehood. Mum did not entertain trading of barter trade at home because we had more than enough, and because trading would always end up with screaming and wailing. And then we would both get an ass-whooping.

At our Grandparents’ Home

The story was different when we went to visit our grandparents over the school holidays. Our grandfather has three wives, and each of them had 5+ children. That means that we, the grandchildren, were countless. Over the holidays, our grandmothers (who had their houses scattered in the vast compound) would be busy preparing the evening meals on the open three-stoned fire, as they roasted maize or potatoes for us. We would, in the meantime be house-hopping from one grandmother’s house to the other in the dark. Squealing, laughing, and shrieking when we scared each other.

The Making of the Roasted Maize Scandal

As soon as a single maize cob was fully roasted, one of our grandmothers would split it into as many parts as possible and divide it amongst some of us, with the promise that the next one would be given to the children who didn’t get round one. Sounds good, right?

Children can be impatient and greedy – even poor feeders like ourselves who did not like food. You would have thought that those of us who didn’t get Round 1 would have to wait all our lifetimes for Round 2. Thankfully, we had brains and were not afraid to use them.

Deals were made. Deals were agreed on. Deals were executed.

We would wink at each other in the dim light that crackling burning wood provided, and assuming that our grandmothers did not see us, we would move away from the open fire and make our little deals. The children who got round one would agree to share with the rest of us in the promise that when we got ours, we would repay the debt.

“give me a few grains, and I will repay you when my round is up”.

Terms and Conditions: Accept and Proceed. I agree

We were wise or we had trust issues. The deals were not executed until every condition was clear. We had witnesses too.

Okay, How many grains do you want?”

All of them.

Absolutely not.

Okay, 10 grains.

Fine.

And I want the biggest grains. I also want the ones that look golden brown.

No deal. I will give you a mix.

Witness: Let’s do this. You shell all the grains, then close your eyes and pick. Whatever you pick is what you get.

Child 1 and Child 2: That sounds good. We agree.

The roasted grains would be shelled and placed on a plate or the earthen floor. Before the roasted maize grains changed hands, there were a few clarifications to be made

Child 1: “you promise that you will repay me when you get yours?

Child 2: I promise.

Pinky Promise?

Yes. come on. Let’s do this.

Witness(es): we all hear that.

Child 1: You promise that you will repay the number of grains, size, shape and colour?

The Story continues

Child 2: (already salivating), “Yes. Yes.”

And the deal would be made. Children would start playing as they all enjoyed their grains of roasted day.

Savoring the Taste of the Roasted Maize: A Moment of Silence Please  )

Image Enjoying Food

We would savor the taste of each of roasted maize grain for as long as we could.

First, we would salt it, just a little. Then we would put it in our tiny mouths and swirl it around the mouth until the salt taste was gone. We would then, crush the each grain slowly (with our mouths closed) and then open the mouth just a bit in rapid succession so that the aroma of the roasted maize could hit our nostrils. Oh, what heaven we lived in. We would then shut our mouths and continue chewing until there was nothing to chew; then we would swallow.

Eating action done and thoroughly enjoyed.

Judgment Day: Payment Day

Tears, tears and more tears. Now I know why mum didn’t allow such shady deals. They always ended up in tears.

Soon, Round 2 roasted maize would be ready and our grandmothers would make the announcements. Round 2 children would be escorted like sheep to a slaughter house to our grannies lest they changed their mind and run away with our portions or tried some other explanation.

The children who had given their grains of roasted maize in Round 1 were present to collect. The children who had received a loan from Round 1 would now start shelling the roasted maize grains from the maize cob while everyone else watched.

Witnesses were present.

The witnesses were there to ensure that the debts were repaid. That all the terms and conditions were adhered to; the exact number of roasted maize grains; the size of each grain; the color of each grain. Well, the fine print details really. Of course, being impatient, we would have forgotten to pay attention to the fine print details if were receiving the grains earlier that day but the Round 1 children and witnesses would have paid attention at time. In the first round, the borrowers would quickly click Agree and Proceed or Accept Terms and Conditions so we could get the maize and enjoy the delicacy.

Hey, not paying attention to details while others do is a recipe for disaster for the agreement. Of course, disagreements were bound to happen when the deals were being settled.

Remember the Terms and Conditions that some of us had accepted without paying attention? Boy, weren’t they back to haunt us? You also remember that because there was no electricity, we were using the lighting from the burning firewood; we would get someone to sneak and pull a burning piece of firewood for better lighting as we settled our debts. We couldn’t go do the deals infront of our grannies now, could we?

Anyway, the lighting and witnesses would ensure that the correct number of grains, in their size and colour were repaid back to the owner.

Deals Gone Bad: Two things would happen:

Image: Deals Gone Bad

The children who owed any number of grains of roasted maize would refuse to pay up; the children who felt cheated would throw tantrums. The children who owed would pay up but feel cheated – as if they didn’t enjoy other children’s portions, hence throw a tantrum. We were so many kids; there was bound to be disagreements that even the witnesses (some were corrupt too) tried to enforce the Terms and Conditions.

One thing I know is that we all, as many as we are, inherited our grandfather’s strong vocals. The screaming and wailing that ensued when was deals went bad was insane.

We would part ways as enemies as groups of children sneaked into their biological grandmothers’ hut and were served supper. We would then go to sleep. Tomorrow we would wake up having forgotten yesterday’s disaster and ready for other crazy fun.

School Holidays In Mombasa – The Photo Beating

Some of the holidays, we would spend with our dad in Mombasa where we had as much crazy fun as we had in the rural Nyahururu.

Other times, we played dangerously and lost teeth

Catch up on this and other escapades in My Life Untold (1): Wild Childhood in the 80s and 90s on Amazon (Coming Soon) or on www.un-tell.com

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