We live in societies where we have people who cannot let someone live life; express their joy or sadness. People who will minimize/ trash your experience for no reason or just because others have been through it too.

Healthy self-expression and the ability for a person to live his/ her life are key in life. Everybody has a right to process his good or bad times in a manner that gives them peace; I am not talking of people who hurt others in the process.

Now, back to the party-poopers; enemies of personal progress.

People who will not let you be happy or celebrate something because they know someone who had a better experience than you or because they know there is something sad happening somewhere in the world.

People who will not let you express your anguish or mourn your losses because others have had a worse experience or because they are having a better time and do not want to be bothered.

The same people who want to dictate to you how you should mourn in a ‘civilized manner’. What is a ‘civilized manner’?

Here is the thing; everyone has a right to his her emotions and experiences. The right to experience their life’s events without judgement.

CREATE YOUR HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT

It takes more energy than most people realize to create a peaceful world for you and your loved ones. Walking away is never easy. But if your sanity and life depend on your walking away from situations and people that threaten your existence, you gotta do it.

Move away from selfish people who don’t care about you or your need to experience your life and process/ express your emotions as you should.

Open your mouth wide and talk as loudly as you can about whatever experience is threatening your sanity and life; let them close their ears/ eyes if they have already heard about it or are simply not interested in anything less than perfect. Are they perfect? Maybe it is the universe’s way of getting rid of those who are not meant to be there.

Trust me, you would rather be perfectly safe and alive, worrying about real life things, than be dead because you cared too much for people wh0 were doing their best to abuse you.

Things Happen to Human Beings: Everyone has a right to talk

Death, sickness, injustice, violence, etc. has happened to humanity since the beginning of time. That does not negate the pain, anguish, torment, etc. that someone experiences today through such, and as such, no one should be silenced in favour of previous experiences.

The #MeToo movement, which swept the planet over in the last quarter of 2017, changed people’s perception of a couple of things. That just because sexual harrassment is widespread and the story has been told by ‘one too many’ people does not negate the experience of other victims; anyone can and should feel free to feel, acknowledge and share their truth whether it happens today or decades ago.

Life’s Achievements: To Celebrate or Not?

I cringe when I see someone share their wonderful experience such as pregnancy, graduation, mental health healing, physical healing, reconciliation, career success, etc. and some trolls are like “does he/ she think s/he is the first one? “Other have had that and more we don’t brag about it!”

Dude/ dudette, how does someone’s joy negate your experience? Leave people to live their lives.

I understand that you may not be in a position to fully celebrate with such a person, but for crying in a bucket, do not trash or ruin their experience with negative words and actions. Do NOT mobilize other people to trash someone’s good experience for no just reason.

Life’s Losses: To Grief or Not?

It breaks my heart when people who are grieving one sort of loss or another are guilt-tripped into not expressing or having their emotions in the name of “others are going through worse”.

Sure we should be empathetic to the plight of others but dude/ dudette, don’t negate someone’s pain based on your ignorance.

We are Humans First: Everything Else Later

I believe as human beings we have the capacity to be genuinely empathetic to other people’s situations while acknowledging our own lives.

We can be perfectly happy for someone who is experiencing something great in his/ her life even when ourselves are passing through life’s torrents.

We are also capable of mourning with other even when we are experiencing the best moments of our lives.

Emotional Healing

Your healing and the actualization of your dreams comes from acknowledging your life as an independent entity. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You need to do the best for you.

Yes, I know. Most societies want to bully people into being of service to everyone else and guilt-tripping people into thinking or feeling that self care is evil. Well, I am rising above any and all society that disregards my existence!

Live Life to the fullest

Career Success?

Did you just hit a career milestone or business milestone that you are absolutely thrilled about? Be Happy. Celebrate the best way you want?

Dealing with Loss

Did you lose something or someone and you are distraught about it? Mourn it/ them to the extent you can.

You have a right to. Let no one silence you into ‘trying to behave civilized’ when you are falling apart. Seek help of any kind if you need it for your healing. Let no one tell you that they have seen people who have lost more than you. So what? You shouldn’t mourn your losses just because someone else somewhere in the globe already experienced such? The story of Ted Josiah is touching and his desire to mourn his wife’s death even as he creates a safe world for his infant daughter and himself.

Getting a working relationship?

Did you get engaged or are getting married or having a baby? Celebrate my dear. Be happy. Yes life may have happened alternatively for some people and some people may be going through some tough times. BUT you have a right to experience your moment. Let no one tell you that they have seen better engagements or weddings or babies or ceremonies. Let your moment be yours. You can listen to ‘wise counsel’ but choose what to believe and how to live your life.

Dealing with Trauma

Are you trying to get over a past trauma? Abuse, loss, health issues, etc? Sing like a bird honey if talking about it is your process to healing. Talk about it until you have processed it.

Yes, some people will distance themselves from you. FINE! Let them be, they have their own ideal lives, and you have too. But be weary of people who only want to be around you when you are smelling like roses but ‘think you are too much of a baggage if you are experiencing something tough in life’.

In my life, I do not need such. They are like the shadow that will be with you when the sun shines (and all is beautiful) and they will leave you at the first instance of trouble. Isn’t when you are in trouble when you need someone to count on?

Alternatively; treat them as they treat you.

Of Pregnancy and Children:

I totally believe pregnancy is BEAUTIFUL and so are babies. I also believe everyone has a different experience of the exhilarating and the exhausting journey for both pregnancy and children. Pregnant mothers, fathers, and child-rearing people have a right to celebrate their moments as wildly as they can comprehend. I also believe that they have a right to express their exhaustion and frustration and CONCERNS about either of these two without someone shutting them up with “we have seen others – what’s the big deal with yours?”

If someone is pregnant and want to tell the whole world about it, s/he should be allowed to. Trolls should take a back seat and stop with their negative vibe. It is not like anyone experiences pregnancy or child birth or child rearing for others. Let people live their lives. Ignore them  if you have nothing nice to say. It is not like they are singing in your ear about.

Unrealized Dreams and Frustration

It is frustrating to want something/ someone and not get it for whatever reasons. Be it a job, spouse, child(ren), family, social life, etc. everyone has a right to dream and try to pursue their dreams. Everyone also has a right to feel frustrated when things are not falling into place; no one should shut such people up because outsiders may not comprehend the need that such a person has for what s/he wants.

Graduating?

Some people graduate at 17 and others at 50 or older. Everybody has a RIGHT to pursue their dreams and be thrilled by their experience at their age.

Parting Shot

If you feel muffled and unable to express what you are going through, push through anyway. Dare to defy the voices that want to limit you. If people come in the way of your life, leave them. Those people do NOT care about you or your experiences because they favour something else or nothing at all.

Your experiences do not take priority to them. Chances are: these are the same people who go on and on about their own experiences and expect everyone to drop everything and attend to them; yet they could care less about your experiences. Be wary of such people if you have such in your family, circle of friends or colleagues.

DO not let anyone convince you that you do not matter. It is okay if you do not matter to them, BUT you DO matter to yourself and should take the best care you need.

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