What it Means to be your biggest Cheerleader

If people knew how dark and cold your days have ever been, they would comprehend why you dance under the bright and warm Sun.

 

If people knew how big your biggest life hurdle was, they would acknowledge your resilience. They would acknowledge why you dance without to your own rhythm.

 

If people knew how hard your struggles in life have been, they would let you celebrate both your small and big wins.

Unfortunately…

Unfortunately, most people will never know/ feel the intensity of your experiences. Some may do but they won’t care as much as you do.

Being your biggest cheerleader is the best thing you can do for yourself and the best gift the universe can grant you.

Learning to love yourself with all your flaws, celebrate your small and big milestones, and learning to be kind to yourself is an art that is worthy learning

 

Like  Silhouette My Life Seems

I have had a long life, and whereas sometime back I wished I could get a brain-something that could induce amnesia, I am glad I have all my memories.

 

I look back at my life with wonder, sometimes shock, a little guilt, zero regret, euphoria, confusion, etc.

 

I love where I am and I think were it not for my experiences, I would not LOVE the mere fact of being alive today.

My joy would not be as pure, and I would still be wasting time, energy, and precious emotional resources fighting useless, insignificant battles.

I choose my battles wisely now; and I sleep and wake-up beautifully.

 

A Snippet of my Interesting Life’s Journey

 

In the year of our Lord 2007, (May) I packed my suitcase (scratch that), (who am I kiding?) it was one of those checked Naija bags (a blue one) that carry loads of their currency in the movies) you get the picture).

As I was saying, I carried my naija bag and my gas cylinder and set out to go to Mombasa.

Quick Thought:

If you find me dragging a one-wheeled suitcase because the other one is broken and I seem not bothered at all, just know I do not wish to carry the thing on my head. If you see me with a super suitcase and walking as if it a normal thing, it is to me; don’t try to guilt-trip me with some stories.

I am my Own Cheerleader

 

Sometimes you are the only person who comprehends your story in its TRUEST Version.

You may, therefore, be the only  person to cheer yourself on; the only person who can put together your broken pieces.

Some people may think Super Glue would fix your broken pieces together but you know, in your heart of hearts, that duct tape will work just fine. Or vice versa.

Trust your instinct.

Back to My New Mombasa-Bound Trip Story

Have you ever tried to present yourself anywhere close to a bus station (for a long distance) with a gas cylinder (meko)? Then you know how much wahalla you would get into – reasonably so; we gotta be safety-cautious.

Anyways, I think the cylinder had to remain behind and I sadly had to proceeded to Mombasa (I was actually going to Kilifi) without it.

Quick Recap

Okay, let me catch-you up quickly on why I was going to the Coast.

Internship

At the beginning of 2007, I was doing the last semester of my 1st (let me insist on 1st as I might do others- a girl is allowed to dream, right?) degree.

As part of the ‘partial fulfillment’ of my four (4) years Degree, I had (as did everyone else) do an Industrial Attachment aka internship.

I, being the daring human I am, checked out some Yellow Pages contacts on the big Posta PhoneBook near our University’s Posta Kenya Office.

 

PHONEBOOK? Not Google Maps?

Before you ask, I am Xennial and due to where/ how I grew up, I had not learned much about the Internet or Google then.  I had a yahoo email address I didn’t know how to operate well.

I see you rolling your eyes or breaking into a smile because you are probably wondering how anyone could survive without the Internet. I also see you feeling good about yourself that at least you have something above me.

Not to burst your bubble, BUT before you pass eyes through me – as Kansiime would put it , I will have you know I can match your computer (software and hardware), Internet, apps, blogging, vlogging, etc skills and knowledge NOW. Check out my Gravatar Profile before you challenge me; I am game!

Got Mombasa Contacts from the PHONEBOOK

Okay, so I got a few contacts: some in Kisumu, one in M0mbasa, and a few in Nairobi. I went to a cyber cafe (yes yes, I had a humble phone that did not understand it’s SMS or Call functions let alone have an idea what kind of thing Internet was. Mimi huyoooo kwa cyber:

Did I mention I was not conversant with Internet?

 

 

Our Internet-Savvy Guru

One of my colleagues – God Bless him, his family, and descendants – wherever he is, was our (most of those like me) to-go-person because he could log in to an email.

 

• May his descendants never experience slow Internet

 

• May they never run out of bundles or bandwidth

 

• May their Service Provider never overcharge them for Internet packages

 

• heheheeee (you know slow Internet can be the most trying thing nowadays.

AMEN?

 

Tailing our Tech Guy

 

So we trailed behind him and he helped us sign up for email addresses.

We now needed to send our applications for the Industrial Attachment (what I believe is nowadays called internship).

We could compose a few lines by typing on the wonder-looking keyboard. Of course we (I was the loudest and I can be very convincing) insisted the keyboard was missing some keys that is why we were slow. FYI all the keys were there.

Sending attachments (cover letter and CV) was a nightmare though – the things would not attach -. Re-think those LOADING … dots times a zillion times.

 

I now laugh at how convincing I was that any computer keyboard was missing some keys – I would take a couple of minutes to find some keys like Q. It’s amazing how fast I can type now while doing other things and not looking at the keyboard or the screen. Life nawaoo.

 

Long story short, only the Coast contacts materialized. Do not ask me how I was going there or h0w I was going to survive. Looking back, I do not think I was even scared. I did not even know where the office was or how the people were. I was just relieved I had submitted my Internship acceptance at my department.

Comes the actual implementation of my internship

 

Now, to the COAST

 

My naija bag and I boarded a bus to Mombasa at around 10 or 11pm (its over a decade ago – I don’t remember the details exactly) and we arrived in the morning. The staffs of my potential Internship’s project had an activity in Likoni that day, and I hooked up with them in the evening.

I got a contact person I am forever grateful to.

I go on my knees and pray that BLESSINGS and accelerated favour,  PROVISION, ABSOLUTE HEALTH, PEACE, and LOVE are always with him and his family; his children and his future generations for the kindness he (and others) showed me.

Safe Trip – Now LIFE BEGINS

 

I look back on my trip to Mombasa (and then back to Kilifi at night) that day and I shiver – literally.

 

But it also reminds me how life sometimes works itself out  regardless of how well-prepared or clueless we may be. I smile at how things worked out in the end. Going for internship with that organization, and meeting that team, was the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

 

 

Financially Broke

KE Gif Ge 300×250

At this juncture, allow me to quote something verbatim / a direct translation from my mother tongue: “between poverty and I, there was only KSH 300”. Mbele na nyuma, I had only KSH 300.

Was I worried?

I do not remember being  worried or even anxious at all. I had survived on much less.

Maybe I had learnt not to worry too much. If had known me for the last 7 years prior to the day I landed in Kaloleni/ Kilifi for my internship, then you would understand why having KSH 300 ONLY did not come close on my list of to-worry-about.

 

Our journey to my home-to-be for three months began. The road was, to say the least, not perfect. It became an absolute risk as we branched off from the main road – quite a distance. Torrents of rain had left some road sections swept away and other sections were barely intact. Thankfully, it was at night and after over 24 hours of traveling and no sleep, I could not see much or care much.

 

We arrived at Kaloleni. I am forever grateful for the most beautiful – inward and outward – human beings I have ever met. I got to my room, my contact person had secured it for me even though they did not know me (angels exist I tell you). They gave me a mattress and we had dinner – they had bought food on our way. We ate and parted ways.

My Naija money bag was now looking at me like “hey madam, how about offloading me now?” So I opened the bag and took out my stuff one by one.

Dancing Alone

I had arrived safely in a strange land. If you are an ambivert, you know how heavenly it feels to finally be on your own.

Although I was exhausted and sleepy, this moment (alone, safe, and sound) rebooted my system and I felt as if it was a new day.

Let’s just say that I slept at 3 am (and not for lack of sleep). Just organizing my little room with n0thing really.

How much do you think that naija bag could carry.

But again, don’t underestimate a lady who is determined to carry as much as possible in a handbag, let-alone a naija bag.

 

Internship Begins

The following morning I was introduced to an amazing team. My Internship was beautiful – I had a great team. I am overly energetic physically (my size and weight not withstanding), emotionally, and mentally. I participated in as many activities for the different projects that the Program was doing.

There was even an M&E (Monitoring and Evaluation Exercise) that I participated in. Mobilizing participants for Focused Group Discussions and holding the discussions. I loved this process. My colleagues and I (during the M&E) walked a lot to people’s homes. I learnt new a culture and language. I will never forget my time in Kaloleni. The exercise also paid out good money so my survival was catered for.

 

My Life Lessons

That’s just a tiny fraction of my life. I look back at such times with warm/ teary eyes, and a bubbling heart. I love my life and not because my life is perfect.

In fact there are sections of my life that make some of those tragic movies seem like bliss.

I have had people who told me to my face “I was jinxed” or “nothing” because they could not comprehend how one human being’s life can turn out so tragic over and over again.

I bear no grudges – they were just being themselves;  probably saving themselves from the bad vibes they thought they would catch from me.

1. Surprise Turn Out

As it turns out, 1.5 decades later, my hour of darkness was not to last forever; far from perfect. Maybe a little reading here could give you a little perspective.

Here is a sober song too.

Anyways, I have had a long life.

Very few things rattle me.

If I want something, I go for it.

If I believe a fight is NOT worth my time or energy, I be like ——>

2. Say no to Societal Pressure

Telling me what people my age are doing or have? Ai mbosi we! Madam! There’s only me and I am not rehearsing how to live my life. I am living it. I am happy for everyone. I actively celebrate everyone else, but don’t think for a minute I will lose sleep over how far behind I am.

3. Measure Progress by your Standards

You see, my progress is measured (by MYSELF) from where I am. Since few people know how deep into the abyss my life had gone, trust me you cannot convince me that my milestones are insignificant or too grandiose. If you knew how far I have come, you would know what I can conceive in my head is reasonable to me.

 

4. Be Realistic about Life

I am realistic. I know life can (with or without your input) take a good or bad turn. Stop reading things into what they are not.

I will dream as big or as small as I can BUT I will also trust the process.

I know my Blogs and YouTube Channels, etc. will not grow from zero and overtake Zuckerburg in a day.

I also know that sometimes, ideas grow beyond their owner and beyond what the owner had envisioned.

5. Enjoy the things that make you happy

 

I enjoy a healthy dose of the Sun – the way the warmth sinks into my skin – is heavenly.

I am dark-skinned and intense sun turns my skin temporarily navy blue (I love that hue).

If you see me walking and absorbing Vit. D and you think your lightskin-darkskin jokes would alter my mind’s setting, you are awfully mistaken.

FYI I think all skin colours are BEAUTIFUL. Light skin looks gorgeous, Chocolate looks gorgeous. Black/ melanin looks gorgeous. Pale looks gorgeous. Red looks gorgeous. Pink looks gorgeous.

If you knew how awesome every human being is, you would know I will drool at any and all humans as if I am looking at life itself. I never get enough of seeing precious human beings just walk buy or carry out their businesses. That’s me; feel free to feel how you want.

 

On days when things are not going so well, I have enough memories to cheer me on.

On personal decisions that affect my soul and life, I consult I and God!

 

6. Exercise – It works magic for the mind

 

7. Dress-Up

I design most of my wear and I rock them.Dressing-up for any or no occasion is good for your mind.

Again, If you see me wearing boots, a thick sweater, and a flashy helmet on my bike on a SUNNY day, your laughter over how I am over-dressed or I am showoff, does not bother me at all.

Trust me, I know I need physical insulation from the wind when cycling – otherwise I will come down with chest problems and you won’t be around.

8. Walk or do non-ordinary things

I love walking.

If you see me walking long distances when I can easily afford a matatu or boda boda, don’t try to convince me that walking is the reason I am small/ not gaining weight. Don’t try to convince me that I am trying to save few coins that won’t me do me any good. I am walking because I crave to.

 

FYI: body-shaming does not work with me.

 

I have been, more or less, my size since I can remember; my weight fluctuations are usually <2>.

9. Take time off

If you cannot reach me because I am having a tech-free weekend, week or month(s), don’t try to convince me how unhealthy it is for someone to n0t be unreachable.

I choose when I am reachable and when I am not.

Actually, I am recovering from being overly nice and being overly available.

My peace of mind comes first.

Besides, for almost a decade, I used to think my sim cards were not working because I got no SMSes or Calls. When I tried calling people, the calls did not go through or the phones rang until I gave up. The messages I sent went…

You learn a lot from people when things do not look good for you. You should check this website out by Alex Soojung-Kim-Pang on DELIBERATE REST.

10. Faith and Belief in Self and a Firm Stand

If I tell you I can and will do something, your doubts do not count; I do not bluff.

Your lack of faith in me does not count.

 

If I tell you I cannot and will not do something, no amount of guilt-tripping me will work.

 

I do not have to provide a Signed, Stamped and Sealed doctor’s letter to justify myself to you.

 

I believe there is beauty in diversity.

Just because we don’t share preferences does not mean that I am good and you are bad or vice versa.

 

Are we together?